its proven

I am going crazy!

I just counted the hours of sleep I can have if I sleep now and wake up at 8 (6hours)...

My response... THATS TOO LONG!

Goodness gracious me! what is wrong with me?!

*slaps myself in the head*

Once upon a time

I want to smile again.. to smile and truly feel happy..

I want to wipe away the tears..

And just smile.

Smile just because..

Employed =)

Stuffing my hands in a pool of dirty water..
tying up garbage bags..
picking up after people..
wiping tables..
sweeping..
serving people..
putting things back to where its supposed to be..

My new roles in life haha

I'm working! haha feels so weird typing it out.. I once told myself i never want to be like those people who have to throw rubbish and clean up after people... coz I always felt it was darn disgusting.. I guess I should be more careful before I say something next time.. Now I'm the one wiping up after people.. eeks.. but then again, I'm earning money for myself. I can pay for things with money not from family.. I am gonna pay for IB with my own money earned from washing dirty dishes for 3 1/2 hours hehe maybe I can even save up and fly back middle of next year! or Cia's wedding? hmmm =)

I'm proud of myself. I think I am actually growing up.. =)

btw.. I'm still on trial HAHA so actually if i get fired... HAHA so malu! haha eee I pray that won't happen!

hmm..

I'm bored. Very bored. Very very bored.

I sit at home..sleep..eat...watch shows...play silly games on facebook that are seriously silly but because I have nothing else to do.. i end up playing them haha sigh

I help my sister mop her small kitchen area today..because again I was bored. haha how depressing.. but I think I rather mop her floor than think of when my sem starts again next week.

One more round of rushing assignments, cramming in facts that i would probably already forget by the time december comes, waking up early, studying... then it is time to come home... Yayyyyy!!!

Looking back, it has been 5 months since I left the place I will always call home. Things have changed so much. People have changed and moved on..

Question is, have I moved? or am I still standing at the exact same point I was when the year started? have I fulfilled any of the goals I set for myself this year? hmmmm

*time to start getting back to exodus HAHA yep i am still there.. i moved to exodus 20 something.. from exodus 1 haha dun even ask about matthew.. i am still coping with the old test. haha =( *

i like ...

A trip to melbourne.

Good time spent with friends and mom.

Lotsa money spent on food and getting fat.

All in all, an enjoyable trip, my source of sanity to last another 5 months.

on the many tram rides we took..

with my not very nice bubble tea..

small girl audrey... who still cannot do 360 haha *inside joke*

eating our korean lunch which was supposedly to be *popular* but the shop was so empty haha

lazy d hehe the rest are on facebook. =)

in 6 1/2 hours

i will be free for a month.

i will sleep late and not worry about waking up.

i will go out and 'enjoy' the cold winter's air.

i will disturb the crap out of sister and friend. *yay*

i will learn how to cook more dishes.

i will pack my room.

i will be wishing i was back home.

never again

How could I have been so careless?

Why me?

How do I choose?

God please give me wisdom and strength.

Laser Tag.....

Lazy to write.. Too much to write for assignment i cannot come up with any more words..so just pictures from a combined floor function...

sharan.

chia.

they were very bored waiting for bruce hall van to come back for us.

couldn't get out of character. hehe

Laser tag was definitely much much fun.. Next game i wanna try playing is paint ball. hehe.. this game was fun most of all because i had friends. i thank God He brought me friends i can talk and laugh with.. although awkward silences still do arise but definitely less than before. so all in all. God is Good.

start of something new

yea..so i've been grumpy lil j the past few days whenever i think of going back to boring ol bruce hall, to an empty room so yea haha but its gonna change..(well at least i hope it would). one step at a time. one step to first make more effort to get to know hall mates..hall mates My age.. haha since everyones been saying i need to get my own friends so yea.. haha =D anyways..pics to make this blog less boring! hehe

Commencement 2009

that's pretty much it for the photos i have..photos from my birthday(which i think is like only 1 or 2) haha will be posted soon enough.. when i find the desire to do this again HAHA

i went for a one day trip to sydney with sis, hong yin and will the day after my birthday and i had lotsa fun.. we ate dim sum..yumm and walked to circular quay*i think thats how you spell it and took lotsa photos. some nice.some should be deleted.some really funny. and and there were these native people who were like blowing i dunno what that made this sounds that were...er interesting? and they sold the CD for like $10. they like only wear clothes to cover areas that should not be open and yeah..they sit on the floor and blow into these pipes. then like the tourist all go take picture with them haha so funny. the small kid look so bahs..he/she*i dunno which is it coz i think got short hair and so small la..no diff haha but i think guy la. so maybe he la. so anyway.. he must have been thinking.. *why all these weird people keep coming..sheesh i wanna play with my toy. pfft* he had some soft toy la..yea ok..that was just me babbling.

and the journey continues to this place called The Rocks. its like this market place thats only open on weekends and they sell like anything from paintings to soap to clothes to jewelerry to crystals..i think you get the idea. basically they sell lotsa stuff la.. then we walked till a little late and then the restaurant like took freeking long to get the food ready la..so we had to like RUN so that we wont miss the bus. i mean like LITERALLY run!!! haha i think i never ran like that before..some more i was like holding food and drinks. i prob look like some sakai haha but thank God it was sydney and not canberra. haha canberra so small can meet people but syd so big..probabilty lower haha but yea.. all in all it was interesting!

im goin DFO tomorrow with my new friend who shares the same namee hehe weee shopping! hehe hopefully i dun spend so much. anyways..more pics when i feel like it.

Love!

different

everything here seems so different. im so tempted to stay in my new comfort zone. staying with my sister like as if friends don't matter. its so easy to just run to my room whenever i feel like its hard to make meaningless conversations. its so easy to run to my sister's house whenever i can so i don't have to start to think of asking silly questions and awkward silences. sigh. people said it is hard..they forgot to mention it was THIS hard!

i came wanting to do many more things than i am now. i've been here for 2 months. who have i become? what have i done that would help me move one step closer to being more independant? what have i done so that i would grow in my walk with God? i guess the answer to all those questions is no. i only have 7 months more here in aus till next year. i wanted so much to come here and make a difference in my life and others but all i feel like is i failed to meet that expectation i set for myself. i was scared. i am still scared thats why i choose to hide. its like hibernating during winter only this winter doesnt seem to end. sigh. maybe i set too high an expectation but i thought they say reach for the stars so if you dun reach the star you at least reach something right? sigh how come i feel like im still lying on the ground unmoving? sigh..

i feel like whenever i come to this blog its like all depressing and all sad stories of how life here sucks haha but it isnt. im just frustrated at who i am. compleasant. satisfied where i am. sigh so ignore all that rambles which probably no one would read coz its like all words haha but yea... for a note, my life ain't that depressing. its just down time. im in desperate need of a HIGH time. not literrally the 'high' u know. as in the good kinda high. haha yea okay whatever. im tired of typing haha i just miss the me i used to know. okay. enough of emo. byee ppl

i want to be strong.

i choose to be strong.

but how do you do it when you feel lonely and empty?

how do you do it when all you see is pictures of people you miss?

how do you it when the queitness of the room is louder than the voice asking you to be strong?

God...please help me. Please give me strength. Please God.....

doesn't the name say it all?! this was the box i came home to on the 14th of feb. i will let the picture of the insides tell the story..

beautiful isn't it? my First Valentines gift haha when im overseas only i get my first valentines rose haha but still.. Thank You so much *b*!! it was such a beautiful surprise to hear that i received a box of roses on valentines.. esp now that im in aus i wasn't expecting anything at all..

This was definitely a memorable Valentines.. don't you wish you had a boyfriend like this? hehe

Thank you *b*! I love you!

3 weeks down..36 more to go

clap clap

Today i took the bus from home to uni all by MYSELF!!!! hahaha what an achievement right?! hahaha i know la..its actually nothing to be proud of la..kan its like just the bus... but i took it alone...so whatever..im gonna celebrate my one step closer to being independant! hehe

yeah...thats bout the highlight of the morning... how sad right? and i have yet to make friends! haha i talked to the girl who sat next to me in tutorial but i din ask her name hahaha so yeah...

actually im like just really bored and you ppl just read a post filled with nonsense which its only purpose was for me to pass time before lunch with aunty and grandparents haha

ok now. bye!

a step at a time

i am officially forced to leave my comfort zone..

mommy and daddy left yesterday. so obviously tears were inevitable. so many times i take for granted their presence.. mommy cooking lunch and dinners..daddy cleaning up the beds after we sleep, nagging me to clean up after myself so i wont mess up the apartment, helping me move my things from unilodge back home or when mom and dad drop me off at uni and come back extremely late to pick me up...i miss them so much..its all kicking in now. im left here with my sister. now its just me and her. and li chen haha sigh...

but amidst all the tough times and sadness there is always a rainbow that God would bring along sooner or later.. thanks to all who prayed! i now have a room in Bruce hall! Although i can't move in yet*quite relieved* coz im so comfortable with my sis and li chen that i dont feel like making new friends hehe but when i get to bruce hall, im forced to make friends..yerrr so scaryyy! haha sigh...i miss claire and cia and est and all you ppl back homeee.....yer....i dun feel like making small talk haha bahs.. oh wells. i shall be on a mission to find a monkey like claire here or at least a milder monkey ahhaha =D sigh....

oh wells, this update is just coz i have 3 hours to kill in the library haha so yea. no pics yet..soon la k? =D haha bye y'all

there's always something to smile about

hi all!

im updating from the land down under. haha im surviving here. i am so so so so so home sick. i am so out of my comfort zone now.. having to go for meet&greet sessions alone just to meet friends...eeeeeeeee i dun like..... i miss my monkey and kbb and estee and everybody! everytime its daytime i think i will be able to get through it but once the sun sets....sigh...im all depressed and sigh....the first day was the worst! sigh...

BUT

there is always something to smile about... like
a new phone
a strengthened relationship with jon
new friends
spiritual growth

there is plenty more so im telling that to myself everyday. i hope 9 months would fly by quick... please pray for me. i have yet to meet a good friend! or a friend for that matter. so yea....

miss you all back home....

lalala

i wonder why am i actually bothering to meet with some ppl...
i should so have took up her suggestion and not bother calling them.
ish!
arghhhhhhhhh.. laazyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

i miss *b*.
i'd so much rather use my time to spend with *b* then frus over who is going who isnt..
on top of that...its like 3 guys and 2 girls....awkward much?!
bahs....

dunnit di..dun wan go diiiiii.....

glass and blood and a happy birthday

this by far is the most eventful cny i've had. hehe...

so here's the story:

I decided to face facts and start packing for my trip to study in aussie.

so i had to take some stuff from the glass cupboard in my study room.

so while my mom slided the glass..it kinda popped out. *it didnt fit properly the glass*

haha

so pop went the glass and pop went my hand up to try and block/stop/i have no clue the glass

hence

A cut finger(s)

A trip to the doctor

A patch of skin glued together with glue

A painful injection

A series of medicine

A very ugly right hand wrapped with white stuffies

A spastic feeling for at least another week

haha

the very ugly looking glass cutted hand

dear * b *:
Happy 20th!

i know its two days late to wish you. im sorry..but you know why i couldn't do it that night. haha

i'll save the lovey dovey and bulu roma will stand stuff for you only..spare you ppl from suffering geli-ness hehe

i love you lots!

Ushering many more new years to come together. =D

denial...

i think i have chose to live in denial these past few months... trying to push all the thoughts and fears of leaving this land i call home.. i don't want to think nor imagine nor talk about any of it. it is as though by not talking the day won't come and that time won't come where i will walk down that dreadful escalator in KLIA.

when will i start to think? i don't know..soon i hope? ketua biri-biri *so long never call u that di..now u really are again* and cgl both also talk to me...scary as it was...the longest trip i ever had to bkt tinggi haha but i'm still scared....

both of you have spoken so much..encouragement and pushing me to do what i need to...i am very thankful to both of you..really... but i don't know where to find that courage to start... i'm really not that strong... i wanna cry.. sigh

God.......
help me...

give me courage and strength to face the struggles ahead...

help me get myself out of this denial

i cannot do this on my own... for your power is made perfect in my weaknesses.

i commit this into Your hands.

in Jesus name

amen.

help me find my way