different

everything here seems so different. im so tempted to stay in my new comfort zone. staying with my sister like as if friends don't matter. its so easy to just run to my room whenever i feel like its hard to make meaningless conversations. its so easy to run to my sister's house whenever i can so i don't have to start to think of asking silly questions and awkward silences. sigh. people said it is hard..they forgot to mention it was THIS hard!

i came wanting to do many more things than i am now. i've been here for 2 months. who have i become? what have i done that would help me move one step closer to being more independant? what have i done so that i would grow in my walk with God? i guess the answer to all those questions is no. i only have 7 months more here in aus till next year. i wanted so much to come here and make a difference in my life and others but all i feel like is i failed to meet that expectation i set for myself. i was scared. i am still scared thats why i choose to hide. its like hibernating during winter only this winter doesnt seem to end. sigh. maybe i set too high an expectation but i thought they say reach for the stars so if you dun reach the star you at least reach something right? sigh how come i feel like im still lying on the ground unmoving? sigh..

i feel like whenever i come to this blog its like all depressing and all sad stories of how life here sucks haha but it isnt. im just frustrated at who i am. compleasant. satisfied where i am. sigh so ignore all that rambles which probably no one would read coz its like all words haha but yea... for a note, my life ain't that depressing. its just down time. im in desperate need of a HIGH time. not literrally the 'high' u know. as in the good kinda high. haha yea okay whatever. im tired of typing haha i just miss the me i used to know. okay. enough of emo. byee ppl

i want to be strong.

i choose to be strong.

but how do you do it when you feel lonely and empty?

how do you do it when all you see is pictures of people you miss?

how do you it when the queitness of the room is louder than the voice asking you to be strong?

God...please help me. Please give me strength. Please God.....

doesn't the name say it all?! this was the box i came home to on the 14th of feb. i will let the picture of the insides tell the story..

beautiful isn't it? my First Valentines gift haha when im overseas only i get my first valentines rose haha but still.. Thank You so much *b*!! it was such a beautiful surprise to hear that i received a box of roses on valentines.. esp now that im in aus i wasn't expecting anything at all..

This was definitely a memorable Valentines.. don't you wish you had a boyfriend like this? hehe

Thank you *b*! I love you!

3 weeks down..36 more to go

clap clap

Today i took the bus from home to uni all by MYSELF!!!! hahaha what an achievement right?! hahaha i know la..its actually nothing to be proud of la..kan its like just the bus... but i took it alone...so whatever..im gonna celebrate my one step closer to being independant! hehe

yeah...thats bout the highlight of the morning... how sad right? and i have yet to make friends! haha i talked to the girl who sat next to me in tutorial but i din ask her name hahaha so yeah...

actually im like just really bored and you ppl just read a post filled with nonsense which its only purpose was for me to pass time before lunch with aunty and grandparents haha

ok now. bye!

a step at a time

i am officially forced to leave my comfort zone..

mommy and daddy left yesterday. so obviously tears were inevitable. so many times i take for granted their presence.. mommy cooking lunch and dinners..daddy cleaning up the beds after we sleep, nagging me to clean up after myself so i wont mess up the apartment, helping me move my things from unilodge back home or when mom and dad drop me off at uni and come back extremely late to pick me up...i miss them so much..its all kicking in now. im left here with my sister. now its just me and her. and li chen haha sigh...

but amidst all the tough times and sadness there is always a rainbow that God would bring along sooner or later.. thanks to all who prayed! i now have a room in Bruce hall! Although i can't move in yet*quite relieved* coz im so comfortable with my sis and li chen that i dont feel like making new friends hehe but when i get to bruce hall, im forced to make friends..yerrr so scaryyy! haha sigh...i miss claire and cia and est and all you ppl back homeee.....yer....i dun feel like making small talk haha bahs.. oh wells. i shall be on a mission to find a monkey like claire here or at least a milder monkey ahhaha =D sigh....

oh wells, this update is just coz i have 3 hours to kill in the library haha so yea. no pics yet..soon la k? =D haha bye y'all

there's always something to smile about

hi all!

im updating from the land down under. haha im surviving here. i am so so so so so home sick. i am so out of my comfort zone now.. having to go for meet&greet sessions alone just to meet friends...eeeeeeeee i dun like..... i miss my monkey and kbb and estee and everybody! everytime its daytime i think i will be able to get through it but once the sun sets....sigh...im all depressed and sigh....the first day was the worst! sigh...

BUT

there is always something to smile about... like
a new phone
a strengthened relationship with jon
new friends
spiritual growth

there is plenty more so im telling that to myself everyday. i hope 9 months would fly by quick... please pray for me. i have yet to meet a good friend! or a friend for that matter. so yea....

miss you all back home....

lalala

i wonder why am i actually bothering to meet with some ppl...
i should so have took up her suggestion and not bother calling them.
ish!
arghhhhhhhhh.. laazyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

i miss *b*.
i'd so much rather use my time to spend with *b* then frus over who is going who isnt..
on top of that...its like 3 guys and 2 girls....awkward much?!
bahs....

dunnit di..dun wan go diiiiii.....