different

everything here seems so different. im so tempted to stay in my new comfort zone. staying with my sister like as if friends don't matter. its so easy to just run to my room whenever i feel like its hard to make meaningless conversations. its so easy to run to my sister's house whenever i can so i don't have to start to think of asking silly questions and awkward silences. sigh. people said it is hard..they forgot to mention it was THIS hard!

i came wanting to do many more things than i am now. i've been here for 2 months. who have i become? what have i done that would help me move one step closer to being more independant? what have i done so that i would grow in my walk with God? i guess the answer to all those questions is no. i only have 7 months more here in aus till next year. i wanted so much to come here and make a difference in my life and others but all i feel like is i failed to meet that expectation i set for myself. i was scared. i am still scared thats why i choose to hide. its like hibernating during winter only this winter doesnt seem to end. sigh. maybe i set too high an expectation but i thought they say reach for the stars so if you dun reach the star you at least reach something right? sigh how come i feel like im still lying on the ground unmoving? sigh..

i feel like whenever i come to this blog its like all depressing and all sad stories of how life here sucks haha but it isnt. im just frustrated at who i am. compleasant. satisfied where i am. sigh so ignore all that rambles which probably no one would read coz its like all words haha but yea... for a note, my life ain't that depressing. its just down time. im in desperate need of a HIGH time. not literrally the 'high' u know. as in the good kinda high. haha yea okay whatever. im tired of typing haha i just miss the me i used to know. okay. enough of emo. byee ppl