denial...

i think i have chose to live in denial these past few months... trying to push all the thoughts and fears of leaving this land i call home.. i don't want to think nor imagine nor talk about any of it. it is as though by not talking the day won't come and that time won't come where i will walk down that dreadful escalator in KLIA.

when will i start to think? i don't know..soon i hope? ketua biri-biri *so long never call u that di..now u really are again* and cgl both also talk to me...scary as it was...the longest trip i ever had to bkt tinggi haha but i'm still scared....

both of you have spoken so much..encouragement and pushing me to do what i need to...i am very thankful to both of you..really... but i don't know where to find that courage to start... i'm really not that strong... i wanna cry.. sigh

God.......
help me...

give me courage and strength to face the struggles ahead...

help me get myself out of this denial

i cannot do this on my own... for your power is made perfect in my weaknesses.

i commit this into Your hands.

in Jesus name

amen.

help me find my way