only a glimpse

its proven

2009-10-21T22:26:00.002+08:00

I am going crazy!

I just counted the hours of sleep I can have if I sleep now and wake up at 8 (6hours)...

My response... THATS TOO LONG!

Goodness gracious me! what is wrong with me?!

*slaps myself in the head*

Once upon a time

2009-08-16T18:43:00.004+08:00

I want to smile again.. to smile and truly feel happy..

I want to wipe away the tears..

And just smile.

Smile just because..

Employed =)

2009-07-30T18:37:00.003+08:00

Stuffing my hands in a pool of dirty water..
tying up garbage bags..
picking up after people..
wiping tables..
sweeping..
serving people..
putting things back to where its supposed to be..

My new roles in life haha

I'm working! haha feels so weird typing it out.. I once told myself i never want to be like those people who have to throw rubbish and clean up after people... coz I always felt it was darn disgusting.. I guess I should be more careful before I say something next time.. Now I'm the one wiping up after people.. eeks.. but then again, I'm earning money for myself. I can pay for things with money not from family.. I am gonna pay for IB with my own money earned from washing dirty dishes for 3 1/2 hours hehe maybe I can even save up and fly back middle of next year! or Cia's wedding? hmmm =)

I'm proud of myself. I think I am actually growing up.. =)

btw.. I'm still on trial HAHA so actually if i get fired... HAHA so malu! haha eee I pray that won't happen!

hmm..

2009-07-14T15:55:00.002+08:00

I'm bored. Very bored. Very very bored.

I sit at home..sleep..eat...watch shows...play silly games on facebook that are seriously silly but because I have nothing else to do.. i end up playing them haha sigh

I help my sister mop her small kitchen area today..because again I was bored. haha how depressing.. but I think I rather mop her floor than think of when my sem starts again next week.

One more round of rushing assignments, cramming in facts that i would probably already forget by the time december comes, waking up early, studying... then it is time to come home... Yayyyyy!!!

Looking back, it has been 5 months since I left the place I will always call home. Things have changed so much. People have changed and moved on..

Question is, have I moved? or am I still standing at the exact same point I was when the year started? have I fulfilled any of the goals I set for myself this year? hmmmm

*time to start getting back to exodus HAHA yep i am still there.. i moved to exodus 20 something.. from exodus 1 haha dun even ask about matthew.. i am still coping with the old test. haha =( *

i like ...

2009-07-07T17:24:00.006+08:00

A trip to melbourne.

Good time spent with friends and mom.

Lotsa money spent on food and getting fat.

All in all, an enjoyable trip, my source of sanity to last another 5 months.

on the many tram rides we took..

with my not very nice bubble tea..

small girl audrey... who still cannot do 360 haha *inside joke*

eating our korean lunch which was supposedly to be *popular* but the shop was so empty haha

lazy d hehe the rest are on facebook. =)

in 6 1/2 hours

2009-06-16T09:00:00.002+08:00

i will be free for a month.

i will sleep late and not worry about waking up.

i will go out and 'enjoy' the cold winter's air.

i will disturb the crap out of sister and friend. *yay*

i will learn how to cook more dishes.

i will pack my room.

i will be wishing i was back home.

never again

2009-06-01T18:49:00.002+08:00

How could I have been so careless?

Why me?

How do I choose?

God please give me wisdom and strength.

Laser Tag.....

2009-05-09T19:34:00.002+08:00

Lazy to write.. Too much to write for assignment i cannot come up with any more words..so just pictures from a combined floor function...

sharan.

chia.

they were very bored waiting for bruce hall van to come back for us.

couldn't get out of character. hehe

Laser tag was definitely much much fun.. Next game i wanna try playing is paint ball. hehe.. this game was fun most of all because i had friends. i thank God He brought me friends i can talk and laugh with.. although awkward silences still do arise but definitely less than before. so all in all. God is Good.

start of something new

2009-04-20T20:22:00.001+08:00

yea..so i've been grumpy lil j the past few days whenever i think of going back to boring ol bruce hall, to an empty room so yea haha but its gonna change..(well at least i hope it would). one step at a time. one step to first make more effort to get to know hall mates..hall mates My age.. haha since everyones been saying i need to get my own friends so yea.. haha =D anyways..pics to make this blog less boring! hehe

Commencement 2009

that's pretty much it for the photos i have..photos from my birthday(which i think is like only 1 or 2) haha will be posted soon enough.. when i find the desire to do this again HAHA

i went for a one day trip to sydney with sis, hong yin and will the day after my birthday and i had lotsa fun.. we ate dim sum..yumm and walked to circular quay*i think thats how you spell it and took lotsa photos. some nice.some should be deleted.some really funny. and and there were these native people who were like blowing i dunno what that made this sounds that were...er interesting? and they sold the CD for like $10. they like only wear clothes to cover areas that should not be open and yeah..they sit on the floor and blow into these pipes. then like the tourist all go take picture with them haha so funny. the small kid look so bahs..he/she*i dunno which is it coz i think got short hair and so small la..no diff haha but i think guy la. so maybe he la. so anyway.. he must have been thinking.. *why all these weird people keep coming..sheesh i wanna play with my toy. pfft* he had some soft toy la..yea ok..that was just me babbling.

and the journey continues to this place called The Rocks. its like this market place thats only open on weekends and they sell like anything from paintings to soap to clothes to jewelerry to crystals..i think you get the idea. basically they sell lotsa stuff la.. then we walked till a little late and then the restaurant like took freeking long to get the food ready la..so we had to like RUN so that we wont miss the bus. i mean like LITERALLY run!!! haha i think i never ran like that before..some more i was like holding food and drinks. i prob look like some sakai haha but thank God it was sydney and not canberra. haha canberra so small can meet people but syd so big..probabilty lower haha but yea.. all in all it was interesting!

im goin DFO tomorrow with my new friend who shares the same namee hehe weee shopping! hehe hopefully i dun spend so much. anyways..more pics when i feel like it.

Love!

different

2009-04-15T20:30:00.002+08:00

everything here seems so different. im so tempted to stay in my new comfort zone. staying with my sister like as if friends don't matter. its so easy to just run to my room whenever i feel like its hard to make meaningless conversations. its so easy to run to my sister's house whenever i can so i don't have to start to think of asking silly questions and awkward silences. sigh. people said it is hard..they forgot to mention it was THIS hard!

i came wanting to do many more things than i am now. i've been here for 2 months. who have i become? what have i done that would help me move one step closer to being more independant? what have i done so that i would grow in my walk with God? i guess the answer to all those questions is no. i only have 7 months more here in aus till next year. i wanted so much to come here and make a difference in my life and others but all i feel like is i failed to meet that expectation i set for myself. i was scared. i am still scared thats why i choose to hide. its like hibernating during winter only this winter doesnt seem to end. sigh. maybe i set too high an expectation but i thought they say reach for the stars so if you dun reach the star you at least reach something right? sigh how come i feel like im still lying on the ground unmoving? sigh..

i feel like whenever i come to this blog its like all depressing and all sad stories of how life here sucks haha but it isnt. im just frustrated at who i am. compleasant. satisfied where i am. sigh so ignore all that rambles which probably no one would read coz its like all words haha but yea... for a note, my life ain't that depressing. its just down time. im in desperate need of a HIGH time. not literrally the 'high' u know. as in the good kinda high. haha yea okay whatever. im tired of typing haha i just miss the me i used to know. okay. enough of emo. byee ppl

2009-03-16T18:12:00.003+08:00

i want to be strong.

i choose to be strong.

but how do you do it when you feel lonely and empty?

how do you do it when all you see is pictures of people you miss?

how do you it when the queitness of the room is louder than the voice asking you to be strong?

God...please help me. Please give me strength. Please God.....

2009-03-05T14:56:00.004+08:00

doesn't the name say it all?! this was the box i came home to on the 14th of feb. i will let the picture of the insides tell the story..

beautiful isn't it? my First Valentines gift haha when im overseas only i get my first valentines rose haha but still.. Thank You so much *b*!! it was such a beautiful surprise to hear that i received a box of roses on valentines.. esp now that im in aus i wasn't expecting anything at all..

This was definitely a memorable Valentines.. don't you wish you had a boyfriend like this? hehe

Thank you *b*! I love you!

3 weeks down..36 more to go

clap clap

2009-03-03T09:14:00.002+08:00

Today i took the bus from home to uni all by MYSELF!!!! hahaha what an achievement right?! hahaha i know la..its actually nothing to be proud of la..kan its like just the bus... but i took it alone...so whatever..im gonna celebrate my one step closer to being independant! hehe

yeah...thats bout the highlight of the morning... how sad right? and i have yet to make friends! haha i talked to the girl who sat next to me in tutorial but i din ask her name hahaha so yeah...

actually im like just really bored and you ppl just read a post filled with nonsense which its only purpose was for me to pass time before lunch with aunty and grandparents haha

ok now. bye!

a step at a time

2009-03-02T07:24:00.002+08:00

i am officially forced to leave my comfort zone..

mommy and daddy left yesterday. so obviously tears were inevitable. so many times i take for granted their presence.. mommy cooking lunch and dinners..daddy cleaning up the beds after we sleep, nagging me to clean up after myself so i wont mess up the apartment, helping me move my things from unilodge back home or when mom and dad drop me off at uni and come back extremely late to pick me up...i miss them so much..its all kicking in now. im left here with my sister. now its just me and her. and li chen haha sigh...

but amidst all the tough times and sadness there is always a rainbow that God would bring along sooner or later.. thanks to all who prayed! i now have a room in Bruce hall! Although i can't move in yet*quite relieved* coz im so comfortable with my sis and li chen that i dont feel like making new friends hehe but when i get to bruce hall, im forced to make friends..yerrr so scaryyy! haha sigh...i miss claire and cia and est and all you ppl back homeee.....yer....i dun feel like making small talk haha bahs.. oh wells. i shall be on a mission to find a monkey like claire here or at least a milder monkey ahhaha =D sigh....

oh wells, this update is just coz i have 3 hours to kill in the library haha so yea. no pics yet..soon la k? =D haha bye y'all

there's always something to smile about

2009-02-15T16:33:00.002+08:00

hi all!

im updating from the land down under. haha im surviving here. i am so so so so so home sick. i am so out of my comfort zone now.. having to go for meet&greet sessions alone just to meet friends...eeeeeeeee i dun like..... i miss my monkey and kbb and estee and everybody! everytime its daytime i think i will be able to get through it but once the sun sets....sigh...im all depressed and sigh....the first day was the worst! sigh...

BUT

there is always something to smile about... like
a new phone
a strengthened relationship with jon
new friends
spiritual growth

there is plenty more so im telling that to myself everyday. i hope 9 months would fly by quick... please pray for me. i have yet to meet a good friend! or a friend for that matter. so yea....

miss you all back home....

lalala

2009-02-09T15:11:00.003+08:00

i wonder why am i actually bothering to meet with some ppl...
i should so have took up her suggestion and not bother calling them.
ish!
arghhhhhhhhh.. laazyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

i miss *b*.
i'd so much rather use my time to spend with *b* then frus over who is going who isnt..
on top of that...its like 3 guys and 2 girls....awkward much?!
bahs....

dunnit di..dun wan go diiiiii.....

glass and blood and a happy birthday

2009-01-30T01:02:00.020+08:00

this by far is the most eventful cny i've had. hehe...

so here's the story:

I decided to face facts and start packing for my trip to study in aussie.

so i had to take some stuff from the glass cupboard in my study room.

so while my mom slided the glass..it kinda popped out. *it didnt fit properly the glass*

haha

so pop went the glass and pop went my hand up to try and block/stop/i have no clue the glass

hence

A cut finger(s)

A trip to the doctor

A patch of skin glued together with glue

A painful injection

A series of medicine

A very ugly right hand wrapped with white stuffies

A spastic feeling for at least another week

haha

the very ugly looking glass cutted hand

dear * b *:
Happy 20th!

i know its two days late to wish you. im sorry..but you know why i couldn't do it that night. haha

i'll save the lovey dovey and bulu roma will stand stuff for you only..spare you ppl from suffering geli-ness hehe

i love you lots!

Ushering many more new years to come together. =D

denial...

2009-01-11T23:50:00.003+08:00

i think i have chose to live in denial these past few months... trying to push all the thoughts and fears of leaving this land i call home.. i don't want to think nor imagine nor talk about any of it. it is as though by not talking the day won't come and that time won't come where i will walk down that dreadful escalator in KLIA.

when will i start to think? i don't know..soon i hope? ketua biri-biri *so long never call u that di..now u really are again* and cgl both also talk to me...scary as it was...the longest trip i ever had to bkt tinggi haha but i'm still scared....

both of you have spoken so much..encouragement and pushing me to do what i need to...i am very thankful to both of you..really... but i don't know where to find that courage to start... i'm really not that strong... i wanna cry.. sigh

God.......
help me...

give me courage and strength to face the struggles ahead...

help me get myself out of this denial

i cannot do this on my own... for your power is made perfect in my weaknesses.

i commit this into Your hands.

in Jesus name

amen.

help me find my way

sniff sniff

2008-12-18T20:29:00.002+08:00

u monkey backside......i miss you laarrrrrrrrrrr

come back already!!!!

est and i saw something that resembled you.... it was a sticker on a car that said...... ITCHY BACKSIDE hahahahhaha

monkey you faster come home di la.... dunnit stay so long la...afteerrr freeeeezzzeeee ur backside off...

ish...so boh song larrrrr dun have you when we go out...urghhh.....

oh wells...love love..

would i be able to?

2008-12-15T23:15:00.002+08:00

jeng jeng jeng.....i just found out that my awesome-ness exam results will be out on the 23rd of December.... so should i be happy? anxious? excited? bleh? haha i don't know....

Jon just got his results and he did very well...Praise God for that....He truly is a testimony of God's greatness and love and faithfulness..i mean like if u knew him from high school..the results he got then compared to what he gets now..its like....Awesomeeeeee......

but what about me? can i say the same about myself? God brought me through all my internal exams throughout this year...but when finals came...my confidence and faith level just took a free fall and reached rock bottom..every paper seemed Horrible to me...its like i am hoping that i will get enough to get into ANU. thats all im hoping for....and i don't want that coz i wanna do well not just okay... sighhh

what if i don't get the results i want....would i still be able to praise God? would i still be able to choose to bless His name? I pray i would.. coz I know He has greater plans for me and He loves me more than i can ever imagine....

la di da dum........oh welll better enjoy before i find out hehehe....cant wait for the hot springs trip...ipoh trip...pig feast....christmas....ahhhh the joy of holidays... =D

a monkey turned sixteen

2008-12-15T00:23:00.004+08:00

i know i am like 2 days late and she already flew(whatever mode of transport - only yian and est would understand hehe ) to a land far far away... but anyway.. since its supposed to be her sweet sixteen.. i shall still blog about it.

To the monkey who turned sixteen... sadly not very much sweeter..hehehe

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!

You have truly been a great friend...entertaining friend....ganas friend...made me angry friend... funny friend...crazy friend....monkey backside friend....believes me everytime friend ( remember how you believed that my house number was ****1234 or something like that and u really called hahaha and it was midnight hahahaha )....most of all...sister in Christ...

Its late and my brains aren't really functioning..so i shall leave it to the pics to tell the story and memories we shared...

cleaning up during YF camp 2007

our dorm - YF camp 2008

my 18th

nick's 18th

EE together...

There are actually many more..but im sleepy...maybe one day i will decide to load more...until then...love ya lots monkey!

2008-12-11T19:44:00.002+08:00

why does it sound so easy to do but actually so hard?

why does pretty rainbows only appear for seconds or minutes before its all gloomy again?

why must it be this way?

why can't i just be mean?

why can't i?

why must i?

argh....

God.... Help me!

coz i don't feel like it. i don't feel like being nice and good and kind and supportive... i feel like not caring..being mean...ughhhhhh....i don't like struggling with my fleshhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! silly flesh!

bleh.

letting go....

2008-12-08T23:27:00.004+08:00

i have to admit that i wasn't like very hyped up for camp. somehow this time i was very reluctant to start packing, very reluctant to be nice and just reluctant. Jon said that i will only feel like that now but it will change once i get to camp and come home.

So...

Jon was right. Camp did turn out really different. Different in many ways i cannot really explain. Like cia said, i cannot say this was the best camp because every year camp was best in its own way and God spoke in diff ways.. but really...camp was awesome and i learnt lots bout humility...gratitude...love...forgiveness... and the list goes on...

From today, im going to begin to let go of the past and everything else... * probably only jon would understand * at least im going to try. haha

YF CAMP 2008!

Friends and brothers and sisters in Christ.. and one soon to be also a brother in Christ... =D

Happy Birthday!

2008-11-13T15:00:00.004+08:00

dear ka che,

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY!!!

U'r 21! time sure flies by... gone were those days u made me bring down the laundry for sweets or do things for you because u asked me to.

The times u made me call the radio station coz u called too many times..remember that hehehe

or The time we fought to sit in front in the car

or The time when i irritate the crap out of you to get up so i won't be late for school

or The time i hid behind you in church and followed u EVERYWHERE u went

or The time mommy scold me and you would comfort me to stop crying

or The times mama would call to make sure we weren't fighting

Those are all now memories..You are like an adult..working.. living on your own in a different country.. time just flew by so fast..sigh.. but i still love you..

no matter how grumpy and scary you are in the morning *really.. i know im irritating when i wake you but u dunno how much guts it takes to call you. i also scared you scold me wan

no matter how irritating you can be

no matter the times you have scolded me and i really not liked you at that time...

in the end..i still thank God for you every morning.

and i pray that God will continue to bless you and grant you the desires of your heart.

Thank you for loving me despite my flaws and being proud of me.. I'm proud of you too sista'. hehe =D

love...mei

2008-11-05T23:35:00.004+08:00

i had a sudden change of mood and i dun feel like doing anything. im just feeling... sad? disappointed? scared? tired? bleh? i dunno...all i know is i need all this to be over. i need to wash it out of my mind and focus on the task at hand.. sigh..

a few verses that helped me focus for a while and forget the misery of exams...

For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. * jeremiah 29:11

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, His love endures forever. * psalms 118:1

No eye has seen, No ear has heard, No mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him. * 1 Cor 2:9

As a conclusion.... This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it! *trying*

1 down.. 4 to go

2008-11-05T17:38:00.002+08:00

i am now officially done with Econs!! woots and that crazy thick file with the the crazy thick stack of words and graphs..hehe =D its over its over....yay me!

i know its over and all..but don't ask me how was it okay? i will tell u a brief summary of what happened inside here. it was freezing cold or maybe just my nerves..my hands felt so cold and numb i think i couldn't even write my student number properly.. haha *to those who remember i forgot to write my name in my mock paper, this time..i remembered to write my student number..haha even if i din, there's this sticker we are all supposed to stick at the start of the exam haha God knows my limitations hehe not that i will forget anymore la. haha*

so anyway, the questions didn't make much sense to me, well not like it normally did.. but i guess i managed to bluff my way through. dun think the examiner would give me much marks la..considering the stuff i wrote didn't really make much sense in my brain either hahaha but God can do miracles haha He can.. i'm praying * clasps hands, bows head, close eyes *

tommorrow is EALD ( eng as an additional language or dialect ). Don't be fooled by the name..makes this subject sound so easy.. yea its not.. i have 3 hours to write a gazillion words and form ideas in my head. Plus i have to strain my ears listening to some tape of people talking and extracting answers from there. It is soo not easy. We didn't even get the multi-purpose hall for the exam which has like the better sound system...we only get like classrooms..so now all we're listening to are the radios. Bahs. so let's just pray i sit somewhere in front yea..my hearing is kinda not very good and im not the fastest to pick up points.

Please still keep me in prayer..It is needed..very needed...

Thank You to those who prayed for me for today's paper.. God really brought me through la..alot of questions were related to the current economy which obviously i had no clue about but somehow as i started writing God gave me flashes of memory of what my teacher said about Aus economy..so i don't know what i wrote is right but i thank God that He brought me through. And that i went in the exam classroom surrounded by all your prayers... Loveee...

back to the papers...byee y'all

i miss you ppl

2008-11-01T00:26:00.005+08:00

i should be studying..i know i know...its just that distractions always seem to come when i am actually partially succesful at my attempts. hehe i finished grey's anatomy already...but i don't like the ending. meredith and derek are not together. cis. haha

btw, derek (patrick dempsey) is OLD hahaha he's like 40 plus...sigh..old but handsome hehehe...

anyway, back to topic..i was looking through my pathetic file of pictures but i found something that i haven't looked at in a long time actually maybe just forgotten for a long time...i know there are probably many more where that came from but one of the people(s) i miss hanging out with ...

we look so happy..remember why? coz it was EE exam Day! actually it looks like girls vs boy. ahaha oh wells, i miss so many things bout you ppl....the climbing, the laughing, the nonsense-ing, the serious-ing...X-ploding

and you too...

i haven't talked to you in months..those were the days when we spoke almost every night..eventhough we saw each other in school..everyday hahaha and the times we celebrated after every exam and you would shower in my house and then we celebrate freedom for one day haha those were the days... we shall catch up once exams are over..as usual hahaha.. i missed talking to you... oh and i almost forgot...you marked down the number of hours you studied in a day to compare with me so you wouldn't lose out...eee...kiasu..hahahaha thats why we're friends la right...hahaha

im going to bed now... hehe im done attempting haha..

distracted...very distracted

2008-10-27T18:13:00.003+08:00

its so touching to know you guys actually miss me....* tear * haha i actually have not came to my blog probably since the last time i blogged..hahaha and no nick, i might actually be glad that the sky falls, then maybe i don't need to study anymore... hehe * hmmm * haha you know, i should actually be studying right now..like seriously....so because i know you guys miss me sooo much im gonna tell you how many times in the past week i have *ATTEMPTED* to study...

you know...my exams are in A WEEK! A WEEK! thats like 7 DAYS! DAYS! not years... not months.. DAYS! and what am i doing? im visiting a blog that i have left dead for about 2 months! and im watching grey's anatomy like my exams are in 7 YEARS!... i woke up this morning and u know what i planned to do? WATCH GREY'S ANATOMY... and what else? READ SUNRISE.......this is so not gooodddddd SOOOOO not good.....i have my very thick Econs file sitting in front of me with highlighted words and coloured thingies to mark each sub topic * which was supposed to attract me to study * but im not interested......my exams are in A WEEEKKKKK!!!!!!

what is wrong with me? when it was my SPM, i studied about 10 hours a day..i gave up going out on holidays and actually sat for hours attempting one test paper..but now..im watching grey's anatomy..and im wishing that silly derek and meredith would just freeking get together so they can stop keeping me in suspense and watching the next episode just to know if they get together....bahs.... i am not a happy girl..... shheeeeesssshhhhhhh....you know what...this is a good place to vent. a very good one indeed. grrrrrrr.....

because im really not in the mood to study although i feel soooooo awesomely guilty right now...i'll actually upload pictures of my ATTEMPTS...

*econs*

* the file and the laptop...open*

sigh..i really need to start studying...im turning into delicia...this is not good. haha no offense cia. u know i love you hahaha i just really need to start studying...someone please scare me...scare me so bad i wont leave my room and study....hehe..i might lose some weight too at that if i dun eat hehe... that'll make a happy me...hehehe bleh...im just rambling so i don't have to get to the file. sigh...

p.s : GOD, i know You are reading this..from heaven probably or maybe from my brains..but PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME!

love, your child that really needs to study

oops..

2008-09-01T23:44:00.000+08:00

im contemplating of closing down this blog.. im getting lazy..but oh wellss, her last words...hehehe eh kidding...

my last few weeks...
cia turns 23!

i know it isnt a very nice photo but i still haven't figured out how to transfer the pics from my phone to the comp. hehe...sorry..

next : Examsssssss and assignmentsssssss.... * faints *

finally : a long awaited holidaY! * wakes back up *

2008-08-19T22:03:00.000+08:00

*bad* me : can i give up now?

*good* me : NO!

*bad* me : but but but....pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee

*good* me : NO! shoosh and get moving!

X-ploded

2008-08-18T20:34:00.000+08:00

woootttssssss!!!! we are now officially tested and examined and working explosives!

be prepared for us to X-plode with you!

the end...

2008-08-09T00:31:00.000+08:00

X-plodes are coming to an end... good? bad? happy? sad? bahss..i dunno...

i'll miss :

* X-ploding with d,n and c

......so far thats bout it hehe but i'd rather X-plode with E a million times over than have to sit for my exams and finish up assignments...

bye bye for now!

40 day prayer and fast

2008-08-04T21:09:00.000+08:00

this is my first time really participating in the 40 day prayer and fast so seriously. many times i have tried and failed and just gave up. this time, im determined i will press through 40 days. no matter what i will believe for great things in Malaysia!

the passion concert last night showed me a different view for this country. when i first started this prayer and fast i was praying for only the leaders of this country to stop thinking of themselves and think for the people, for the leaders to unite together despite the different parties sitting in the government. But, last night i saw this prayer and fast in a whole new perspective. praying for this nation is not only in what can be seen, the news that keeps popping up in the newspapers but also what we cannot see, in the spiritual realm.

i pray that christians in this country would grow in faith and fire for God, non-christians would come to know this God that created the heavens and the earth and the beauty of Him. I pray a great revival will come and take Malaysia by storm! on top of that, i pray still for the leaders of this country that wisdom and unity would fall upon all the leaders of the country so that Malaysia would continue to grow!

Chris Tomlin-God of this city
You're the God of this city
You're the King of these people
You're the Lord of this nation
You Are

Bridge:
For there is no one like our God
There is no one like our God

Chorus 1:
Greater things have yet to come
Great things are still to be doneI
n this city
Greater things are still to come
And greater things are still to be done here

Verse 2:
You're the Lord of Creation
The Creator of all things
You're the King above all Kings
You Are
You're the strength in our weakness
You're the love to the broken
You're the joy in the sadness
You Are

Chorus 2:
Greater things have yet to come
Great things are still to be done
In this city
Where glory shines from hearts alive
With praise for you and love for you
In this city
Greater things have yet to come
Great things are still to be done
In this city

Greater things are still to come
And greater things are still to be done here

p.s pics from aussie will come soon. waiting for darling sister to send over all the pics coz my memory card crashed and all pics gone..so patience is a virtue people!

2008-07-23T15:58:00.000+08:00

* i know it's very long and looks tideous to read (coz i was too lazy to paragraph it) but it's really worth the time..

A TEENAGER'S VIEW OF HEAVEN

17-year-old Brian Moore had only a short time to write something for a class. The subject was what Heaven was like. 'I wowed 'em,' he later told his father, Bruce. 'It's a killer. It's the bomb. It's the best thing I ever wrote..' It also was the last. Brian Moore died May 27, 1997, the day after Memorial Day. He was driving home from a friend's house when his car went off Bulen-Pierce Road in Pickaway County and struck a utility pole. He emerged from the wreck unharmed but stepped on a downed power line and was electrocuted. The Moores framed a copy of Brian's essay and hung it among the family portraits in the living room. 'I think God used him to make a point. I think we were meant to find it and make something out of it,' Mrs. Moore said of the essay. She and her husband want to share their son's vision of life after death. 'I'm happy for Brian. I know he's in heaven. I know I'll see him.'

Brian's Essay: The Room...

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read 'Girls I have liked.' I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named 'Friends' was next to one marked 'Friends I have betrayed.' The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird 'Books I Have Read,' 'Lies I Have Told,' 'Comfort I have Given,' 'Jokes I Have Laughed at ' Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: 'Things I've yelled at my brothers.' Others I couldn't laugh at: 'Things I Have Done in My Anger', 'Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents.' I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. C ould it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature. When I pulled out the file marked 'TV Shows I have watched', I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast time I knew that file represented. When I came to a file marked 'Lustful Thoughts,' I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards. No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!' In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it. Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it.. The title bore 'People I Have Shared the Gospel With.' The handle was brighter than those around it,seemed newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand. And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook thr ough me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me. Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. 'No!' I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was 'No, no,' as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, 'It is finished.' I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.

'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.'-Phil. 4:13 'For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.'-John 3:16. "And God demonstrates His love to us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us," - Romans 5:8. If you feel the same way forward it so the love of Jesus will touch the lives of others also. My "People I shared the gospel with" file just got bigger, how about yours?

changi airport

2008-07-03T23:14:00.001+08:00

sitting waiting for my next flight out to sydney.... hehe....

love lots to YOU! missing all of you back home!

friend.

2008-06-29T19:44:00.000+08:00

I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY NOW!

slipping away...

2008-06-27T20:07:00.000+08:00

list of things to do :
* study! - not working
* exams! - coming too soon
* X-plode - dynamite running out of power
* memorize E - haven't started
* spend padini voucher - the best part but with a catch.. i have NO TIME to go
* get kache's list of wants - too long a list (typical)
* pack to go..
* do my encouragement notes for my darling mortal.. - its due TOM!
* study...
* study...
* study...
* sleep!!!!!!! - much needed
* QT - most important...have been missing lately.sigh.. what have become of me?

so many a times i have stood at this position in life, yet it never gets easier. i feel like just sitting at the piano the rest of the night playing worship songs and fall into a place away from all the hectic things that are going through.. yet studies would pull me back to the table and the routine starts all over again.. i need someone to talk to...anyone there?.....

Just to be by Your side,

There is hope in my life,

There is no greater freedom i've found

Take my life, all that I have to give

Take my world, just inhabit all of it

Take my dreams, make me Assuredly Yours!

amen.

beauty and the beast part II

2008-06-26T20:25:00.000+08:00

beauty and the beast was SOOOOOOO NICEEEEE....seriously... highly recommended if it wasnt so expensive....seriously....

a glimpse of what happened that night...

one of the dances.. note lumier( or however u spell it ) right in the middle. the thingies on his hand can actually give out fire....woootttsss

when the beast brought belle to his oh-so-many-books library

another dance...here u can see mrs.pots clearer and the duster lady... if you look to the right, there's the floor mat too..=D

when mrs.pots was singing tale as old as time...

up close and personal... BEAUTY AND THE BEAST

mrs. pots and oh-so-adorable chip

ahhhh...beauty and the beast..oops i meant prince

happy ever after

now say it all together now....bye-bye!

* the end of the show. sorry for the not nice pics....i cannot use flash and i was like sitting 10 miles away from the stage..bleh...i felt like a blind bat..i couldn't even see the face of the girl pretty not...only see figure...oh man...IM BLINDDDDD!~!~!~ bah..oh wellsss...still love love love the show.

me and dadddy

mommy and me...ehhh..so poser...hehe

goodnight now everyone...time to go to bed...

THE END.

Beauty and The Beast

2008-06-25T14:43:00.000+08:00

Excited? Sad?
Don't know which to feel!

Tonight, i'm gonna watch beauty and the beast musical with mommy and daddy.. BUT....i'm missing prayer meeting... I'm glad for the opportunity to go for this musical coz i've never been to one in my life.. yet at the same time, i feel very disappointed with myself for allowing myself to miss prayer meeting to watch a musical!

Argh...i dun like feeling the way i do now. sigh...

I need help with decision making next time! sigh..

Pics from est's bday and cia's long overdue bbq coming up soon...

it is only temporary

2008-06-19T20:04:00.000+08:00

ughhhhhh exams exams exams... when would this ever end? i never fail to ask that question when exams come? AHHHHHHHHHHH

will i fail?
will i do badly?
will i let down my parents and myself?
will i be disappointed when i walk out of the exam hall?
will i sit at the table and be completely blank?
will i... will i... will i....

would these thoughts stop running through my head! GET OUT GET OUT!!!!!!!

i need:
an antidote to procrastinating!
to magnify God and not my exams!
strength!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH a life!

my unfailing love

2008-06-13T18:33:00.000+08:00

1 down 4 to go. im meaning exams btw. i've been a good girl studying in the library and following mommy home late in the evening. its getting uninteresting again and a chore. not only that, the fear and the uncertainty whether or not i'll do well, whether i have put in enough effort to be able to really say i DID MY BEST. sigh...

But... even as i all these thoughts run through my head, only one thing seemed to make sense. God has never failed to show His Grace and Love and gave me everything *almost* everything i desired ( coz some weren't part of His will - but God if you're reading..you know...i would still like some of them ). anyways, during exams i am always reminded of how He walked me through last year. The tough times when i fought with mom to go for yf and the tears that came along with it was so hard. i thought i would never survive those few months. but God, God made it possible, He lifted me up when i was down, He gave me friends that pushed and encouraged me, He comforted when things seem to go all over the place.

A summary of it all. GOD'S LOVE IS UNFAILING AND UNENDING. thankfully

Some pics lately :

*ooo* i like

prankster and prankstee

on our last night:

the boys

the girls

the game

* more pics soon to come from 1 kempas girls day out and cia's bbq(very late)

2008-05-27T16:24:00.000+08:00

i was angry, you kept queit.

someone called, you walked away.

i called, you gave me the cold shoulder.

i asked if you were willing, you said no.

i asked if you were ready to talk, you said i'm too busy.

i left, you didn't say a word.

truly thankful

2008-05-23T17:20:00.000+08:00

I still cannot thank God enough for what happened yesterday. =D

I was actually writing my testimony to explode just now with jon, nick and cia. It just occured to me truly how thankful I am. I am thankful that God loves me no matter what I do, who I become and anything that is related to me. He blesses me with blessings beyong my comprehension, family, friends, good results, protection... so much that this post would never be enough to finish.

I am thankful for all my friends and family, for the people that love me, for the people that know me inside out, for people that would buy me ice-cream when im stressed studying, for people who's heart would stop beating when they saw what happened yesterday, for the people who cared to pray for me, for the family that would stand by me, for the family that would do whatever it takes for my good, for the one who would love me even when all i do is fat pei hei, . .

no amount of words can express how truly thankful I am to all of you. I love You Alll so so so much.

Thank You Jesus most of all for giving me this opportunity to meet the friends i have in church, the friends in college and my very own family. Thank You Jesus.

happy sad day

2008-05-22T20:53:00.000+08:00

ugh ugh ugh. . dun like dun like the results of american idol. d. archuletta (not sure how to spell correctly) sang so much better...and PLUS PLUS he's CUTE! hahaha...even my mommy thinks so. rare we actually agree on the same guy being good looking. haha

So depressing..

But... Thank You Jesus for your guardian angels..Nothing more I can say. Those that were there know why... haha

i went. i saw. i conquered

2008-05-19T10:23:00.000+08:00

so this week i've finally passed my driving exam and received my P driving license... so...* clap clap * Im an official malaysian driver... =D any offers for me to drive your car? hehe just give me a call..prefably auto.. hehe =D

but this post is gonna be about a really funny and really funny and even funnier OJT. This round we went with shane, nick's friend to 1u. we had lunch over OJT and wall/rock climbing after that.

So nick was supposed to start with the first diagnostic question...and so delicia did the church part and we waited....and waited...and waited...and nick just smiled... haha obviously he did not explode that day.. so off we went for ice cream after that and cia exploded the beginning but he just steered the convo away so our explosion came to an end.. but the funnier parts are all in between but are disclosed. so if u wanna know u can ask me..or cia..or nick... =D

im lazy to post more now. im waiting for my dim sum with yeye and mama. so love heaps..bye y'all! hehe.

Some pictures of us at camp5.

ex-ketua biri-biri with ex-biri-biri

supertrainer with supertrainees

a glimpse of what we climbed..excluding that rock..which actually me and cia did climb haha

mr.pro belayer and ok-ok climber =D

her new found talent

eve and her sweetheart

following the footsteps of mommy and daddy

two down.. three to go

2008-05-13T20:16:00.000+08:00

this week is definitely more than i bargained for. i am overloaded with exams and assignments these 2 weeks and my brain is beginning to shut down. BUT....

PRAISE GOD! i passed my driving tests completely! finally! i know its like i failed once so it doesn't really count as SUCH great news but i passed road without bribing on my first try. Guess i just cant manage slopes in a manual car. hehe oh wells, i told jon di. if i ever have to drive his car (btw if u all dun know, its manual) i would only drive to fetch grace from church because its the only stretch of road that does not require me balancing on a slope. hehe..so claire, if u wan me fetch you better find me an auto car haha =D

Econs and malay test was on today..malay exam wassss....no comment..prayerfully with more practice i can finish in time. ahha..i din completely finish the last question. not enough time but i think dun have full 10 marks also maybe can get like 2? or 3? haha a girl can dream..so dun say anything. Econs on the other hand wasn't that bad. I don't think i did as good as my last paper but i dun think it was that bad. so praise God considering i fell asleep studying last night because i was exhausted!

Yay yay! God is Faithful!

dun stop praying for me.. i still have the continuation of my malay exam on thursday and accounting test also on the same day. The following week would be my maths test.. Don't stop! really needed! also we ( del and nick) are exploding with E on thurs and fri if im not mistaken. can't remember their names. ask del or nick. =D

love..

.

2008-05-05T14:26:00.000+08:00

how was it?
DON'T ASK!

pictures...

2008-05-04T21:02:00.001+08:00

up first.. 18th birthday at yian's

everyone no.1

top (l-r) jon, kevin, allan, andrew, joseph(b'day man), edward

bottom (l-r) me, esther, yian, lay yan, claire, cia

everyone no.2

plus fana but u cant really see her. blame claire!

blow the cake

fyi, joseph was trying to blow my candles..living in denial he's a decade older.

taking the candle out from the cake with my mouth

and it's out!

cutting cake ceremony..

btw, im only holding on to his hand because he kept wanting to cut my cake instead of his own..really!

hostess of the birthday bash

next up, photo taking at covershots : (there aren't many pics though, and there's only me and jon)

i like this pic...i look nice * big smiles *

random pics :

easter 'the mask' skit team

skit in action

futsal match team

l-r : kok jin, andrew, allan, donald, me

i look pathetic but amelia looks cute. so oh wells..

manual cars + me = DIVORCE

2008-05-03T17:40:00.000+08:00

bleh...so im gonna sit for my long awaited driving exam on monday to find out that i SUCK at driving. sheesh..starting a day with driving lessons and ending them like s**t is...ugh...dun like! plus the instructor was of no help saying : (exact quote) ' I dunno you di la..i tell you, you still wanna do like dat.. i dunno you la..you wanna fail a?! '

thanks very much for the encouragement. sheesh.. like as if i wanna fail! sheesh! bahs..

no mood di..thankfully i can relieve myself by going out for dinner with joanne tonight. argh...

Please God let me pass and prove that i can actually drive... * delicia and nick aren't allowed to comment coz it aint bout braking! haha *

2008-05-02T21:01:00.000+08:00

highlights of the week :

~OJT (tuesday)

~applics test (wed)

~HOLIDAY

sounds like a typical week eh..well, it kinda was.. nothing extraordinary happened. First up was OJT with nick's cousin. i guess it went well. He didn't accept though. but one day, one day he will. * prayerfully *

Don't ask bout my test. it was horrible to the ten thousandth degree! bahs..i did not answer a 10 marks question. 10 MARKS! and the whole paper is only over 32! shootttssssss.....we'll just have to see where that'll take me when my results are out.

I'm not in a mood to blog now...emo-ing after watching sad tvb show hehe =D

i'll leave you with some photo's of my grandma's 76th birthday bash at the new Cheow Yang near rothman's round-a-bout. =D food ain't fantastic by the way hehe

the family

me and popo a.k.a bithday woman! =D

more pictures when i feel like it..plus covershots and long overdue birthday pics.. =D

back to ee..

updates updates

2008-04-26T23:25:00.001+08:00

this week was an interesting week...lots happended..it sucked then was super enjoyable then sucked and now...its getting hectic!

first up is...OJT..well..we didn't get to share to wai kuan..but hopefully one day just one day she would come to know this God i call my Savior, Righteousness,and Best Friend. The One who gives joy amidst sadness and suffering. =D

Next is back to the question bout calc and malay...you must be thinking ' i thought that discussion was closed already' well, it reopened...sigh...think think think...sheesshhh...so anyway, the sequence was that i was walking on my way to accounts class when i passed by mrs. ruma. suddenly she hugged me and started talking to me about taking up calc and started saying almost the same things ms. shanti said. bleh...sigh...then you know what she concluded.....its a shocker..reallyy..what do they think i am?! albert einstein?! bleh...no....im JESSICA LOW! okay okay..let me tell you what she said..she said...'TAKE 6 SUBJECTS!' HAHAHHA...*faint*oh wells...back to thinking..and FAST THINKING!

on friday, we ( andrew,mich,est,kev,jon,me) went to cover shots to take the photos...woootttssss b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l ! hehehe no pics though..maybe later if i get them =D..

today was acts quiz..bleh....we did so well in the first few rounds..and towards the end...sighhh..no comments..no company should know how terribly i made decisions and how the company went bankcrupt...if not i might be unemployed for the rest of my life..ahhaha...oh wells..its all well..except the points of breakdown but overall i guess im okay..i'll get over it..=D im sleepy now and im dancing tommorrow...

until we meet again....you can keep rereading this post hehehe =D toodlesss! night

eventful day

2008-04-22T21:07:00.000+08:00

first i'm falling sick with a bad soar throat.. now this?! why la why????

but anyway, to answer the last post, the decision was to stick to malay advanced because my mom thinks its too late in the year to start switching subjects as well as calculus would be too taxing on me. THANK GOD my mom thinks that way..because that was exactly what i was thinking. taking up calc would leave me with 4 heavy burdened subjects...meaning camp and all may be missed because of classes. SO....thankfully my mom thinks its not a good idea..but nonetheless, we're still gonna talk to mrs.ruma on this. lalala

but...guess what i just found out?! my eng marksssss.....i got an E! an E! how does anyone in the world get an E in english?! that's like getting A in mandarin which btw I can't speak or write fluently....okay okay...sorry..overreacting...but im just so shocked... i thought i wrote quite well..like 5 pages weiss...but i come back with only an 18?! ughhhhh....need to talk to ms.priyaa. sigh

but but...GOOD NEWS! we ( del, nick and me) have OJT tom with my coll mate, wai kuan..I don't know her very well but she said okay to meeting my other friends(nick and del)..so oh well, let's pray this would go well...=D pray pray

decisions...bleh

2008-04-21T16:19:00.000+08:00

so today started bad already with the monthly pains..bleh..BUT it did get better...

i went in for my first class of the day which was EALD and it was all good....talk talk talk and little work hehe and i also found out my results are out on the iZone(its this place where all our subjects and timetable and results are posted). So...after our (me and yien) finished our EALD class, we headed to the library to use the computer. I went on iZone to check my results and.......GUESS WHATTTTT???

okay la...it wasn't ALL that good la...just trying to stimultate u people to be more excited...hehe but it was good nonetheless and all Glory to God for my results. This is the only subjects i got so far la..hehe not all yet..

Economics - 68 *woots*

Accounting - 82 *clap clap*

I know la..my economics not to say all that good also right...but i FAILED the last paper i had. haha...so 68 is good...*clap clap clap* hehehe

then...the day got bad again.. and if ur guessing its the pain....*tetttttttt* wrong...ehheheh

My darling teacher, Ms. Shanti decided to bounce off the idea of taking calculus instead of malay advanced.

She :I can see you are good with numbers because you can do applicable math and accounting. I don't think you're the kind that likes 'mugging' subjects. Do you like economics?

Me : er...NO.

She : See! 'giving the I'm right face'

Bah..i don't like maths neither do i like studying subjects. Ish...my good results wasn't me...it was God's graciousness.....AHHHHHH...God, You should sit for my papers....!!!!! lalalala

So anyways, now i need to think about it *btw i dun like thinking* whether i want to try taking up calculus. I don't know....make my life harder but more secure because calculus is not a shaky subject that would mark down a great amount during the final scoring, OR malay which is a much easier subject but i have to work hard to get EXTREMELY high marks in my internals so that even if they mark down i'm still safe. Bah...like I said..i DUN LIKE thinking.

but oh wells, if you all were kind enough to even read through all my babbles, i shall reward you with a few pics hehe =D

first the crazy friend that made me start this blog :

and because i know you all wouldn't have read the whole thing....you get the priviledge of guessing who was the crazy friend... hehe *evil grin*

my birthday photos : * some of them*

the girls ( i don't know if there were pics of the guys )

jon ( one of the guys )

birthday with mommy and daddy at avanti's

mommy and my drawings on the table. (forgot to change the position...but oh wells, ur eyes needs exercising hehe... )

just for a crazy friend

2008-04-18T22:41:00.000+08:00

so...because i have a friend, who refuses to study for her exam tomorrow and is UTTERLY BORED... i actually listened to her and started a blog... but because im also UTTERLY SLEEPY because i had NO nap and i hava a 7A.M driving lesson im heading straight to bed..hehe

* actually thats after i call jon * hehe... oh wells...

just in case you were wondering who this crazy friend is.....

BEHOLD!

i cannot load the picture of her...so i'll keep you in suspense...